Self-care. Why is it so hard?
If you feel like life has become more stressful, you are not alone. According to a Gallup poll conducted in 2022, more people worldwide reported being stressed out than ever before. Of course, the Covid pandemic and the isolation and uncertainty that came with it, was an obvious reason. But there are many other contributing factors such as, for instance, economic uncertainty, gun violence, wars abroad, political polarization at home, and an overall high pressure fast-paced environment that leaves us physically and mentally depleted. We need some serious relief! Enter the concept of self-care.
Self-care: the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress. expressing oneself is an essential form of self-care.
Women in particular struggle with self-care. From the time we were little girls, we have been socialized as helpers. In male-female relationships, women are expected to listen, be supportive, cook, clean, care for the children, while also working outside the home. Women tend to outnumber men in care-related occupations such as childcare and healthcare, and 74.3% of teachers are women. We are encouraged to be nurturing, emotional, and compliant. It is called gender socialization, and it is still firmly entrenched in our culture.
As women, we did not learn to identify and meet our needs. Since we were taught to prioritize the needs of others, we subconsciously view self-care as a luxury or a sign of selfishness. . This mindset can lead to feeling guilty about taking time for ourselves. Our daily lives are often so busy, stressful , and filled with expectations, that self-care regularly takes a backseat.
As an aside, I am grateful that my daughters’ generation is less willing to settle for the traditional gender roles in their male-female relationships. But this requires good communication with and validation from a partner who is willing to give the patriarchy a kick in the behind.
So, how do you start a self-care routine? Like most new things, it is best to start small so it won’t feel like pressure and can have the desired effect. Self-care can be broken down into seven areas:
1. Mental: Cultivating a healthy mindset through mindfulness and curiosity.
2. Emotional: Taking care of your heart with healthy coping strategies.
3. Physical: Taking care of your body with exercise, nutrition, and adequate sleep.
4. Environmental: Taking care of the spaces and places around you.
5. Spiritual: Activities or practices that give a sense of meaning to your life.
6. Recreational: Making time for hobbies, fun activities, and new experiences.
7. Social: Building relationships with regular connection and healthy boundaries.
Now, this might feel overwhelming, like just another to-do list added to your already full plate. But here’s the thing: You don’t need to focus on finding a perfect balance between all of these areas! You can start by focusing on one area for just a day, a week, or a month, and when you are ready, focus on others. What’s most important is noticing which area needs attention.
If you need some ideas for getting started on your self-care journey, check out https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/134-activities-to-add-to-your-self-care-plan/ for lots of good suggestions.
And to bring this post full circle, I would add one more: Learn to say NO! Women are conditioned to be agreeable and compliant. When we are asked to do something, we feel (self-imposed) pressure to say Yes, even if we really don’t want to.
Remember, self-care is not selfish! It is about replenishing your resources without depleting someone else’s. And replenishing our own reserves allows us to uplift those around us. It is a win-win!
Sources: www.zippia.com,, simplypsychology.org, Cleveland Clinic, theblissfulmind.com