Glimmers
Have you heard of glimmers? Glimmers are the opposite of triggers. They spark small moments of joy or peace.
Trigger warning: This post is about trauma and about healing from trauma. The content may be triggering to some. It is based strictly on my personal experience and should not be viewed as professional advice.
Most people have at least one traumatic memory embedded in their brain such as, for example, a car accident, a natural disaster, an assault, the horrors of war, etc. While those memories may not cause everyone to experience trauma later in life, many people do, and in some cases, it can even be debilitating.
My parents were children in Germany during WWII. They were both severely traumatized by their experiences during those years. Their parents had already lived through WWI and the resulting trauma inflicted on them. My father in particular had some horrific experiences that greatly affected him as an adult, trauma that was never addressed, lots of pent-up rage projected onto his family through physical and emotional violence.
I left Germany for this country as a young adult, escaping, as I know now, the trauma I had experienced inside and outside the home, to leave behind the terrible memories and start my life over. I suppose I was naïve to think that a change of place, albeit across an ocean, would be enough. But of course, it wasn’t.
It took me years to recognize and acknowledge how the trauma I had experienced affected my life as an individual, a spouse, and a parent. Although I am in a much better place now, there are still times when I struggle with anxiety.
Fast forward to Christmas 2023, and my family’s trip to Germany to spend the holiday with our German family. While I really looked forward to this trip, it also generated a lot of anxiety. Both of my daughters have very negative associations with my father, who passed away last March. Their relationship with my mother was never close, in part because of the physical distance, but also because she never left my father in spite of all the physical and emotional pain he inflicted on us. I worried that these feelings would color their interactions, and that it would be difficult to visit the home that housed so many bad memories.
And then something unexpected happened. Turns out the visit was an opportunity to replace old painful memories with happy new ones. My mother sat and happily watched her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren play and roughhouse on her living room floor -something we would have been too afraid to do when my father was alive. She played Rummikub, her favorite game, with her granddaughters, and folded newspapers into hats and airplanes for her great-grandsons. Witnessing the boys’ unbridled joy, completely ignorant of and unburdened by my own traumatic memories of that place and my mother’s visible delight, provided some of the “glimmers” my brain needed to begin healing from the trauma of the past. For those unfamiliar with the term, glimmers are small moments that spark joy or peace, which can help cue our nervous system to feel safe or calm. They are the opposite of triggers.
I was so intrigued by this experience that once back home, I decided to do a little research to find out if in fact replacing traumatic memories with new, happy ones can have a healing effect.
We know that the brain is really good at recording bad memories, but apparently, they are not permanently locked into the brain’s memory banks, as we once thought. When we recall a memory, it becomes a little unstable and for a window of perhaps two or three hours, it’s possible to modify it before it settles down again, or “reconsolidates,” in the brain. That’s why, paradoxically, recalling bad memories can help us heal from old wounds. Reliving traumatic moments again in a condition of safety can help a person disconnect the memory from the painful “alarm” mechanisms that are the source of so much discomfort.
Based on the latest findings in neuroscience, Dr. Rick Hanson, PhD, psychologist and Senior Fellow at UC Berkley, offers a simple, yet effective, method for rewiring the brain from the negative emotions associated with trauma to the positive emotions associated with health and wellness. He describes a four-step process using the acronym HEAL.
Have a positive experience. Notice something positive that’s happening to you (say, a friend invited you for coffee), or create a positive experience for yourself by reminiscing on something that brings your gratitude or joy (for example, recognize a task you’ve completed and are proud of).
Enrich it. Stay with this positive feeling for at least five seconds. Encourage the positive feeling to become intense, recognize how it’s relevant and how it nourishes you.
Absorb it. Let this experience sink into your mind—or as Dr. Hanson writes—“place it like a jewel in the treasure chest of your heart.”
Link the positive experience with something negative. (This step is optional.) Use your current, vivid feeling of positivity to heal old pain. For example, if you’re currently feeling included and liked, you can touch on a past time when you felt lonely.
As Dr. Hanson says, “neurons that fire together wire together—or, in other words, the areas of our brain that we use the most often become stronger.
So, if we can take advantage of fleeting, everyday positive moments -those glimmers I talked about- to combat our innate negativity biases, we can rewire our brain. Glimmers have a positive effect on our mental health, reduce stress and can increase our emotional and physical wellbeing. I think we could all use a little glimmer in our life, don’t you?
Sources: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/four-steps-to-erasing-trauma-of-painful-memories-061214, https://heartmindonline.org/resources/hardwiring-the-brain-for-happiness, Choosingtherapy.com